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February 22nd, 2008
09:43 pm - ad astra per aspera
i still can't believe i'm a mother.
9 months ago... i was happy, sad, confused, manic. i was skating, playing roller derby, drinking, smoking, getting high, laughing, screaming, crying, loving, hating, hurting, getting hurt, searching, destroying, building, thinking and definitely not thinking.
i was crazed and crazy, unreliable and irresponsible.
and here, in this world of motherhood, i'm more calm and worried than i've ever been.
i know i won't be a perfect mother. i know i'll fuck things up.
but i'll try my best and i'll love her more than anything ever, forever.
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February 21st, 2008
07:40 am - sleep
shayna slept through the night! i'm in a panic, trying to look up if it's normal, if she's sick, if something is wrong with her... and i know i should just relax and feel blessed to have such a good, mild baby. but she doesn't cry much and she just slept 8 hours and she's only 3 weeks old! i fed her at 10 last night, she ate about 5 oz and went to sleep around 11. i heard her fussing around 3:30am and went downstairs to warm up her bottle, but when i came back she was sound asleep. she woke up around 6:30 this morning, no crying, just a little "eh, eh." i keep thinking something must be wrong, but really, there's nothing wrong with her aside from having a neurotic paranoid mom. she was 9 lbs 12 oz at her dr.'s visit last week. she has baby acne and maybe a little eczema which is breaking my heart! the dr. said it's normal & will go away on its own and will probably get worse first. she said it doesn't bother her so try not to let it bother me. it really bothers me. i've been putting aquaphor on, which was recommended by a friend's pediatrician, and it seems to be getting a little better, but not much. ugh. being a mom is hard.
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February 18th, 2008
10:22 pm - Things I wish my daughter could tell me
Why do you claw randomly at your own face?
When you make that one oh-so-completely-miserable sad face, is it because of gas? Are you cold? Hungry? Sick of hearing about Britney Spears? Angered by the current position of the planets? Frustrated by the rampant misuse of the possessive apostrophe in our culture? WHAT?
If you like that pacifier so much, why can't you keep it in your mouth?
Is this clean diaper I am putting on your body full of biting red ants, or perhaps a miniature shark with powerful jaws?
You love the swaddle, you hate it with the burning fire of a thousand suns. WHICH IS IT, KID?
What is with all the hiccups? You are like a tiny drunk old lady.
Why do you smell so good -- are you made of CHOCOLATE?
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February 14th, 2008
10:54 pm - my valentine
i can't believe i have a daughter. i can't believe i had a baby. last year on valentine's day, i cried because ian got me a diamond necklace, and not the engagement ring i'd been hoping & wishing for. i cried because we'd been together almost 6 years and i thought he didn't want to marry me. i cried because he told me he'd do it when the time was right, which made me think he wasn't ready and there must be something wrong with me. i was so rotten and ridiculous then. this year, i spent all day with my beautiful darling baby. this year, i'm a wife. although ian worked all day and then spent most of the evening on the computer on some stupid cb radio message board (where he spends most of his time lately, which is really starting to fucking piss me off, which i told him and he smiled because apparently i'm cute when i pout. not cool.), he did get me a gorgeous necklace and he got me a card which he actually WROTE in. i'm the happiest i've ever been on valentine's day, or any day for that matter because i am so FUCKING IN LOVE with my daughter. she's two weeks old today. and although i completely love being able to hold her and kiss her and just have her here, i thought i'd never ever say this but i miss being pregnant a little bit. physically, i feel kinda empty. i miss her kicks, her hiccups, rubbing that big giant belly when she moved. it's a bizarre feeling, but i wouldn't trade it for the world. the gorgeous shayna... my favorite valentine.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/silly.gif) happy
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September 15th, 2007
03:01 pm - It's a GIRL!
21 weeks 3 days... she's already doing acrobatics.
Current Mood: happy
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September 1st, 2007
09:28 am - love , marriage & a baby carriage
i'm getting married in 23 days.
i'm now exactly half way through my pregnancy, which is most excellent because i'm uncomfortable and i can't wait to get it over with and meet my baby. people keep asking if i'm enjoying pregnancy. hell fucking no. whoever said pregnancy is a big ball of fun is full of shit. i pee roughly 20 times a day, i grunt whenever i get out of a chair or bed, because being fat is hard. my back hurts every day, all the time. and even though i've only gained 5 lbs, it's all in my big round belly and it's hard to bend over. i can't sleep on my back or stomach, so i toss and turn all night. and the best is that it all gets worse. the only thing good about pregnancy is having a baby. and not the "having" it part either. i'm terrified of labor and i just want to wake up one day and have the baby be here already.
anyway, i'm excited for my wedding.
ten years ago, sitting at my parents kitchen table, crying over how this boy broke my heart, i could never imagine ten years later, marrying him and having a child with him. and even though we've been together for six years, i still didn't think it would ever happen. one day, i'd grow up and be a wife and mama. and here i am.
incredible.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/relaxed.gif) content
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August 27th, 2007
07:03 pm - gimme a guess!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/tired.gif) tired
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July 20th, 2007
04:38 pm - baby 12 weeks 5 days
Current Mood: exhausted
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June 11th, 2007
05:12 pm - baby
i have an ultrasound on thursday. whoa.
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June 1st, 2007
10:35 am - all heart <3
Help raise money for cancer research!
The Garden State Rollergirls are walking in the Relay For Life this year in Garfield.
please help me and my bitches raise some money.
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May 30th, 2007
09:32 pm - psst...
i'm pregnant. shhhh!
xoxo
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April 18th, 2007
12:41 am - wtf?! is princeton an island?
yesterday i left work at 3:30, due to the flooding, to try to make it home at a reasonable hour, because it had taken me two and a half hours to get in to work. WRONG.
it took me SEVEN hours to get home.
yes. 7.
a 45 minute drive from princeton to jamesburg took seven hours.
i sat in 2 miles of traffic on nassau street for 5 hours.
apparently, all the bridges were closed, except for one, which i waited 5 hours to get to. it then took another hour and a half to cross it.
completely and totally excruciating.
fortunately, ian was in his big rig coming back from maryland, and got bumped off of route 1 into princeton, because route 1 was closed. he managed to end up two blocks behind me. so after 4 hours, i parked, got coffee and a sandwich for him and jumped into his truck. there were other truckers stuck on the road there, and they were all on their cb's talking about girls as they walked down the street! i couldn't believe it. "white jacket, blue jeans and pink boots comin up on your right, lookin like a grouch, boy i'll knock that look right off her face and give her somethin to smile about..." this sounds bad, but ended up being entertaining while sitting in traffic from hell. when ian got up to my car, i jumped out of his truck and pulled up in front of him. so that made it not soooooo bad. but it was still really terrible. i got home at 10:15pm.
luckily, i had the day off today. i gotta go in tomorrow, but then i have off thursday and friday. shit better not still be flooded tomorrow. i hate princeton.
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12:26 am - photo shoot
jersey city bridge & pummel
garden state rollergirls all-star team... ironbound maidens
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April 9th, 2007
07:01 pm - get em now!!!
Tickets for the May 11th, 2007 SEASON OPENER on sale now!
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March 30th, 2007
08:02 pm - support your local roller derby
A skater owned and operated organization, Garden State Rollergirls is New Jersey's premier all-female, flat-track roller derby league, comprised of strong, ambitious women.
We pledge to skate as often as we can, with unmatched drive and enthusiasm. We uphold camaraderie, physical and emotional strength, dedication, loyalty, friendship, skill and passion above all else.
We work hard, practice hard and skate hard to ensure every fan, at every event, is thrilled to have such a diverse, inspiring group of women represent the Garden State. It is our greatest ambition to make New Jersey proud.
A skater owned and operated organization, Garden State Rollergirls is New Jersey's premier all-female, flat-track roller derby league, comprised of strong, ambitious women.
We pledge to skate as often as we can, with unmatched drive and enthusiasm. We uphold camaraderie, physical and emotional strength, dedication, loyalty, friendship, skill and passion above all else.
We work hard, practice hard and skate hard to ensure every fan, at every event, is thrilled to have such a diverse, inspiring group of women represent the Garden State. It is our greatest ambition to make New Jersey proud.
Support your local Roller Derby & !
thanks
xoxo
eva
p.s. i made the all-star travel team, the Ironbound Maidens!!!!!
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March 7th, 2007
12:17 am - good stuff is happening
on saturday i skated with my roller derby league in the hoboken st. patrick's day parade. being that i never even saw a real parade before, let alone skate in one, this was a big deal.
this saturday i'll be going down to baltimore for my brother's album release party for his band, thrushes.
this weekend, i may be skating with the girls in the jersey city st. patrick's day parade... we're still not sure if we're gonna do it or not.
the weekend after that, i'll be in philly, skating at the east coast derby extravaganza! two full days of derby debauchery! this will be my first time skating in a real bout and i'm nervous, but way more excited!
then the weekend after that is my birthday!
unbelievable... a whole month of fun!
i also got an interview for a quality improvement specialist with easter seals starting at $40k. we'll see how that goes, hopefully i'll get it and i can rock it out until the police exam in june.
anyhow, some pictures...
me and the man
betty brawl & bone saw
lady vengeance & i
fuckin lovin the derby life. i got my ass whooped at practice tonight... i'm beat.
xoxo
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February 20th, 2007
February 19th, 2007
07:02 pm
przepuszczam was
życzę mógłby zmieniać
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February 16th, 2007
12:00 am - my baby's sick.
achilles just quietly knocked over my dunkin donuts hazelnut light and sweet
and licked it up
and then puked it up
and then licked the puke up
and then snarled and growled at me when i tried to clean it up.
he's done this before.
i need to go to sleep, but i always try not to.
i used to love to sleep, couldn't wait to climb in bed and slept at every possible moment. i remember sleeping all the time in college. sleeping in the student center, sleeping in my car, taking long random naps in the middle of the day...
maybe because i was kinda crazy back then, but i miss that... looking forward to bedtime.
i dread tomorrow, work, checking my bank statement, trying to get dressed in a rush because i'm late, going outside in the cold cold cold
and sleep brings it. staying awake brings it, but much slower.
i'm going to hoboken tomorrow night to go out with jen and diane. should be interesting. league photo shoot in jersey city saturday afternoon will be fun.
i give up... going to shower and go to bed. ian's sick, and sleeping. maybe he'll drool on me and i'll get sick too.
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February 15th, 2007
06:24 pm - pee bags
i got a 1/4 carat diamond solitaire necklace for valentine's day. no ring yet, but he's getting close.
my dog, achilles, ate a chocolate covered fortune cookie off of the kitchen table. my first thought was, that little bastard! he ate chocolate and he's gonna have the shits for a week! what an asshole!
my second thought was, what was his fortune?
it was: you will be back in the good graces of a loved one in no time.
fucking perfect.
my boss has been hounding me to do this ridiculous project where i was to make covers for people's foley catheter bags (pee bags). i really thought he was trying to test me, to see how far he could push me. to see what kind of stupid shit i'll do. first he wanted me to sew them. and use vinyl. and i told him we don't have a sewing machine and that's just not gonna work.
so i bought these canvas tote bags and said, "tada, i made them." and he said, "no no. i want them to be decorated, and make them so they can be washed." what the fuck? decorated pee bags.
so today i had the residents paint them with fabric paint. it was really tough trying to explain to them that, no, you can't keep these bags. they're for other people's pee. we're making pee bag covers so other people aren't embarassed about their pee hanging in a bag from their chair.
they ended up looking terrible so i painted over them and he totally loved them. (anytime i have the residents paint things to sell or give away, i always end up painted over them, otherwise i'm trying to sell these ugly things that no one in their right mind would would buy. it's ridiculous and time-consuming.)
but then he said he wants me to make the residents mass produce them and make a display area for them at the nurses station with a plaque that says, "gifts from our residents" and hooks to hang them from. haha. riiiight.
what the hell?
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inperfection's journal